Cell (408) 529-1975
Fax (408) 871-6875
901 Campisi Way
Suite 350
Campbell CA 95008
Office is the San Jose California area
Campbell and Los Gatos Psychotherapy, Counseling Psychotherapy and Therapy Services provided by a Relationship Therapist in Campbell and Los Gatos, CA, California
Russell Wilkie, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
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Why do you specialize in communication?
In the late 1960's, Truax, Carkhuff and Berenson discovered that therapeutic responses (or comments to a client) could be observed as a qualitative measure. That is, was it a level 5.0 response or a level 1.0 response? From this research, it became clear to communication specialists and therapists that what we say has a massive impact on a client, and, of course, on most relationships. In fact, they discovered that a less than average response to a client (below a level 2.5 response out of 5.0, for example) could actually cause harm to a client. Beware of not-so-good responses...
Also of interest: Who we are at our core-level of functioning results in how we respond -- the healthier your being, the healthier your responses. It has been my experience, through the years, that we can learn to control our emotional reactivity and we can modify what we say for dramatic impact on ourselves and our relationships -- especially during conflict. So, specializing in couples and communication was an outgrowth of my early training.
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How do I know if a therapist is good?
The only way to know is to try a session or two. Choosing a therapist is like choosing shoes -- you may have to try some on to find one that fits. You have to be especially leery of less than average (2.5) responses because they can harm you. If you've experienced a poor response from a friend or a therapist, then you know how harmful it can be. Your intellect can't always tell during or after an encounter if it was good or bad. But your intuition knows. You have to ask yourself if it "felt" right to you.
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Can my relationship be saved?
At its greatest success, therapy helps all your dreams come true... Therapy is never at its greatest success.
Seriously... a good definition of therapy is really difficult. My real-life experience is that if someone helps me, then it's therapeutic. If I don't have a sense of gain from a therapeutic event, then I have the wrong person. If I see a physical, massage-therapist and my body is not soothed by the session, I won't go back.
Psychotherapy is no different.
To "save" a relationship, both people must be committed to a win-win and be willing and able to look inside themselves for the causes and the struggles in a relationship. You can't take the other person's personality-inventory, analyze them and then change them. You can only change yourself. So, if you want the best chance of success in a relationship, then you need to answer two important questions with great depth and breadth and insight. The questions are:
1. If my relationship were to improve, my contribution would be...
2. Quirks about me that would make that difficult are...
Really, you have to dig down deep on those two questions...
Finally, don't treat your relationship like a triple-heart bypass.
By that, I mean, don't wait until the relationship is about to die and then ask a therapist if the relationship can be saved. Instead, answer the 2 questions above from the very first day of a relationship. Don't have a heart attack and keep eating poorly and avoiding exercise.
Improve your relationship at the first sign of any heart irregularity.
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Entire Site © Copyright 1998 - 2012 Russell Wilkie, MFT
Website hand coded by me... Hey, it's a great hobby for a
perfectionist.
Site last updated February 8, 2012
Office is in the Silicon Valley area. Nearby cities include:
Los Altos, Sunnyvale, Santa Clara, Cupertino, Saratoga, Los Gatos, and Monte Sereno