Russell Wilkie, MA, LMFT

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Cell (408) 529-1975

Fax (408) 871-6875

info@russellwilkie.com

700 Gale Drive
Suite 230
Campbell CA 95008

Office is in the San Jose California area

HURT IS NOT A FEELING?

Well, maybe hurt is a feeling, but when you use the word "hurt" with your partner, they usually want to defend -- saying they didn't hurt you.

Instead, say that you feel pain when something happens.  Saying how you feel cannot be argued with and can reduce conflict.  If you claim "hurt," then your partner is suddenly responsible for your pain.

Since I am at choice as to how I choose to feel, your behavior might not be hurtful.  I might be able to see your behavior as just behavior and not choose to feel pain because of your actions.

And in the end, I believe hurt is actually an experience, not a feeling.

© 1999 Russell Wilkie